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20
Jul
Bill Murray: [discussing NBC’s current Thursday night comedy block] I’m out of touch. I have no idea. I never saw the original Office. I never saw this Office. I never even saw Clerks. Like I never saw, what’s-his-name, Larry David’s show.
GQ: Curb Your Enthusiasm?
Bill Murray: No! The…
08
May
05
Apr
23
Dec
From September ‘08
02
Sep
Sarah’s newest article on CollegeHumor
13
Aug
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
by Sarah Schneider
College is starting soon, which means that you and your high school girlfriend have some big decisions to make. Most notably, whether or not you should break up. Use this helpful flow-chart to determine your fate.
05
Aug
Professor: All tests in this class will be open book.
Me: I’ll tell you right now. I plan on learning nothing.
Professor: You will give me a positive review at the end of term.
Me: (nods) Understood.
Professor: Here is the final exam. You may take this test anywhere on campus.
Me: All of your students are planning to cheat.
Professor: I trust that you will have the good judgment to avoid this temptation.
Me: You put too much faith in your students.
Professor: (quietly) They’re all I have.
Professor: Each presentation I give in class will then be posted online for further review.
Me: So everything you show us in class…
Professor: Yes…
Me: Will then be available online.
Professor: (dejected) Yes.
Me: You will never see my face again.
Professor: I wear Birkenstocks with socks in order to appear hip and relatable to my students.
Me: You look like my grandfather.
Professor: SUCCESS.
Professor: If anybody needs me, I’ve posted office hours on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9-12.
Me: I will make fun of you for this with my peers.
Professor: Yes, but you will also show up during them the week before classes end, begging for extra credit to help your grade.
Me: Touche, Professor. Touche.
Professor: You will email me your papers by midnight on October 10th.
Me: My computer is going to break on October 10th.
Professor: Make sure to back-up your files just in case. No excuses will be accepted.
Me: My dog ate my hard drive.
Professor: F.
Me: I plan on crying.
Professor: (begrudgingly) Fine. You have 48 hours. (pause) I was once like you, you know.
Professor: Participation will account for 30% of your grade.
Me: Bullsh.
Professor: Truth. I will not keep track of your participation.
Me: This class rules!
Professor: Here is a Werther’s Original for coming to class today.
Me: Yes.
Professor: I do not believe in tests.
Me: There is a God.
Professor: TENURE!
26
Jun
“Kid Whose Parents Didn’t Warn Him About Puberty Enters Puberty While At Sleepaway Camp”
(click to get a bigger, readable version)
(via CollegeHumor)
11
Jun
(via 105%-O-Matic)
via sarahschneider